Sunday 8 January 2023

Making Every Day Special by Kate Twitchin, Dr. Pepper Zero, no ice

 Whose bright idea was it to have National English Toffee Day on the eighth of January?


Come to think of it, whose idea was it to have a National English Toffee Day full stop? Don’t answer that, it’ll be some sort of commercial venture, a marketing ploy. And why ‘English’ toffee? There’s a clue there, I haven’t Googled it yet but I’m betting this ‘Day’ is an American invention. Bless their hearts.


Where was I? Oh yes, the eighth of January. Seriously? It’s true that most New Year diets will have gone to pot (belly, noodle?) before the end of January but one would like to think that calories are still being counted and scales are still being stepped on in trepidation, on the eighth day of ‘New Year, New You’ month. Surely, a date in late October would be better; catch the Halloween Trick or Treaters and the Fifth of November Bonfire Toffee and toffee apple market. And then there’s the other belt tightening that’s going on as the Credit Card Statements lumber into view, puffing and panting under the weight of all the unwanted presents, the booze, cheese, Christmas Cake and turkey. Who’s got spare cash for toffees in January? Ah, well, such are the mysteries of life.


Here’s another one: National Pharmacists Day, January twelfth. Apparently Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, and Ginger Ale were all invented by pharmacists, who knew? Strawberry Ice Cream Day, fifteenth, another one for the sweet of tooth. Squirrel Appreciation Day, twenty-first; tree rats, really? I don’t think so. There should be a National Don’t Manufacture Rubbish Like This National Holidays Calendar Day. World Breast Pumping Day, twenty-seventh. Oh, er, hmmm. National Fun At Work Day, twenty-eighth…right, thats it, this pile of crap is going in the bin. Note to self: tell them where they can shove their Secret Santa next year.


Mind you, thinking about it, maybe I should be encouraging the observance of National English (or any other nationality) Toffee Day. Just think of all those crowns and veneers coming unstuck on a nice bit of butterscotch and all those fillings being wrenched out by a tasty treacly taffy. We dentists aren’t immune from hefty post-Christmas Credit Card bills, you know. A few emergency procedures would help the bank balance nicely. Go ahead, get stuck in, enjoy your National English Toffee Day and I’ll see you in my comfy chair. Open wide!


I wonder if there’s a National Dentists Appreciation Day…


About the author

Retired Administrator Kate is enjoying sitting around and making things up. She’s trying a bit of everything and is delighted with her success so far: poems published by The People’s Friend; Flash Fiction in Secret Attic, Early Works Press and Briefly Write; and short stories shortlisted in various competitions. 


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