Jean is thinking of leaving home, she is thinking of leaving her family to their own devices. It would just be for a short time – to teach them a lesson. In fact Jean has been thinking about leaving for some time but she was just waiting for the right time and that time could be now. Her children, sixteen year old twin girls have just finished their GSCE’s and her husband works away so much he would hardly notice.
Jean is fed up doing everything for everyone while no-one does anything for her. She has tried over the years to impose rules which have worked for a little while but sooner, rather than later, the old lazy ways return. And Jean accepts that it is all her fault; she has made a rod for her own back. Since the twins were born she has immersed herself into motherhood – wifehood, if that is a noun, had been sacrificed. She adored her girls’ early years and even during infant and primary schools. She loved doing things for them, taking care of them in an extra special way, always being available to meet their wants and needs. But when senior school and those dreadful teen years appeared Jean felt she was being taken for granted. The twins expected her to do everything for them without any thanks or appreciation and their home was treated like a hotel, four star probably given the scale of their demands , which, of course, Jean met.
It is now the long summer holiday before they restart school for their A levels – if their GCSEs are good enough – and it looks as if every day will start about lunch time and the rest of the day will be spent on their computers or mobiles while they chat to their boyfriends or equally lazy mates. Boyfriends for each of them is plural, as far as Jean is aware they have no-one special. Unless they are all special. Jean shudders at the thought. Neither of her daughters have intentions to get a job for the holidays or do something useful in the weeks ahead.
Jean does not intend to stay away forever. Just enough time for them to take some responsibility for themselves – to cook and feed themselves and the do their washing. Jean accepts that ironing will not be on the list of the new skills she hopes will be learned in her absence. Jean rationalises that change would not only be good for her but also good for the girls who would have to become more self-reliant in her absence.
As far as her husband is concerned they have had frequent chats over the years about how their marriage takes second place to the needs of the girls and their home and his work. At first the husband was OK about this; he had enough to worry about with work and if their home life was ticking over then that was all to the good. But Jean now suspects he has a lover. Details of expensive restaurants and hotels have appeared on bank statements and he seems to be away far more these days. Jean actually is not bothered too much about this as she reckons she has long fallen out of love with him and so long as the home and family continue it will be OK. But now it is she, Jean herself, who is thinking of totally disrupting whatever ease their home life has.
Jean works as a secretary part time at a local solicitors’ office where she works specifically for one of the partners, who just happens to be her best friend. This solicitor, Fiona, knows all about Jean’s home life and her regular failed in-house attempts to change it. Fiona has a recently vacated granny flat at her house; her mother had to go into a care home and she has offered it rent-free to Fiona should she decide to leave. Jean insisted on paying rent but Fiona had a better idea, she would use some of Jean’s free evening time to get on top of Fiona’s administration backlog, something Fiona hated. Jean could also work from home, the granny flat, in case the family came looking for her. Of course Fiona would say something bland and unhelpful should this happen. All they needed was a start date.
But what if it didn’t work. What if her husband moved the girlfriend in in her absence? What if she returned to a house full of Domino pizza boxes and Chinese takeaway remains? What if the boyfriends stayed over? What if one or both of her girls fell pregnant? There had been one rule that had not been broken; the boyfriends were not allowed to sleep over at their house. This was the rule even though Jean accepted that if the girls wanted to have sex they would find the time and place. Then there was the risk of parties, the possibility of parties every night was a terrifying thought. Jean was part of a parents' WhatsApp group and recently a parent, whose daughter had had a party straight after the final GCSE exam, had warned other parents against having similar gatherings as their home had been trashed by uninvited guests. The mum had found used condoms in her bed and whoever had tried to get to the ensuite toilet to be sick had missed the pan. The downstairs rooms were a total mess with spilt food and beer and wines, precious ornaments had been broken and paintings had been ruined with foul graffiti and vulgar drawings. Someone had put details of the party on social media and it went viral. The party’s host reckons it had been someone she recently had a row with and who had not been invited.
As a result the party’s host was grounded for the entire holiday so she could clean up the mess and her savings for a week in Ibiza with friends would now be used to buy a new bed for her mother.
Jean’s twins were at the party and were shocked at the mess and the behaviour of others – which they had nothing to do with, or so they said. They were also shocked at their friend’s level of punishment, a reaction Jean was pleased about. They would perhaps now think twice about having a party at home.
But there is also a possible negative conclusion to this plan. Jean thought that a result of her departure might be that the girls would hate her. They would accuse her of not loving them anymore. They would accuse her of abandoning them. They would not welcome her back. The whole plan could easily backfire. She thought she might leave them a note explaining what she was doing and why she was doing it. Her husband would understand but she was not sure the girls would. Her mothering skills had made them selfish and that would not change overnight.
The day came for her planned departure. A text to her husband was ready to send and a letter for the girls was on the kitchen table. Her bag was packed with enough clothes for a couple of weeks. Jean sat down at the table and found herself shaking, tears flowed and she kept shaking her head.
“I can’t do this” she said out loud. The text was deleted, the letter was torn up and the bag was taken upstairs to be unpacked.
Jean emptied the dishwasher and started on the ironing.
About the author
Judith Skilleter is new to writing fiction after a long career in social work and teaching. Her first children's novel The April Rebellion, has recently been published. Judith is a Geordie, who settled in East Yorkshire forty-five years ago and is married with four grandchildren.
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