Saturday, 2 May 2026

Saturday Sample: May by Jim Bates, lemonade

 




This year Mother’s Day fell on May 9th, the same date as Andy’s birthday. When I left for work, I hugged Meg. ‘Happy Mother’s Day, sweetheart.’

She hugged me back. ‘Thanks.’ Then she held up Allie, who’d she’d been holding. ‘Kiss Daddy.’

‘Bye, Daddy,’ she said.

I gave her a slobbery raspberry smooch, which she loved. ‘Bye, bye, Goofy One,’ I told her.

She crossed her eyes and made a face. ‘Goofy, goofy,’ she said, and scrambled out her mother’s arms. It took one second for her to gear up to top speed as she began running around the room yelling, ‘Goofy, goofy, goofy,’ at top of her lungs.’

‘Thanks for that,’ Meg said. But she was laughing. 

She and Allie had a special bond. Kind of like me and Andy.

Speaking of… I looked around. ‘Say, where’s the Birthday Boy by the way?’

‘In the back by the garage, building a fort or something.’

‘Okay, I’ll touch base with him on my way out.’ I kissed Meg again. ‘The party still on for four this afternoon?’ Our friends Jack and Linn and Arnie and Amber and their kids Samantha and Willow were all coming over for a dual Mother’s Day/Andy’s birthday celebration. The weather was pleasantly mild in the sixties, and we were going to fire up the grill and do venison steaks that Jack was bringing and filleted walleye from Arnie. I was going to do up a big salad, bake some potatoes and steam some pea- pods. For dessert we’d have Andy’s homemade birthday cake that Linn was bringing.

‘Yep, we are,’ Meg said, chasing after Allie. ‘Watch out! Mommy’s coming to get you!’

Allie  screamed   and   ran   laughing  into   the bedroom she shared with her brother. ‘Nooooooo!’ Meg and I both smiled at each other, silently sharing the same thought: It was nice to see our daughter so happy. We shared a quick hug.

‘Okay,’ I said. ‘I’m off. See you a little after three.’ ‘Have a good day.’

‘I’ll try.’

I’d been working at Esker Quik-Stop for a couple of weeks. It had taken about a month to find the job and get hired after I’d found out that Zylon Labs, the company where I’d been a research scientist for the last six years, had closed its doors for good. The conclusion I’d eventually come to after bemoaning my loss of employment for about a day? That’s life. Get on with it. So, I did.

Of course, Meg was a little more direct. ‘It’s no time to feel sorry for yourself, Lee.’ Looked me in the eye and spoke in that direct way she has when she wants me to be perfectly clear I understand the point she is making. ‘Time to move on.’

Message received. I started looking the next day. I usually worked two or three days a week at the station, most often from ten in the morning until three in the afternoon. I was paid ten dollars an hour. It wasn’t much, but having a little extra cash never hurt. Meg was making good money as an editor for Charlotte’s Press, a small independent publishing company, but I wanted to contribute. With the onset of warmer weather, we didn’t need as much firewood to heat the house, so with less wood to cut, I had some extra time.

The Quik-Stop station was two blocks west of us on the corner of our highway and country road 2. It’d had a sign in their window that we’d seen coming home from getting our second Pfizer shot a few weeks ago.

I’d pointed it out to Meg. ‘What do you think?’

She’d slowed and read it as we drove past. ‘You working at a gas station?’

‘Yeah. We could use the money, right?’ ‘Right.’

‘You don’t sound too enthusiastic.’ I thought for a moment or two. ‘Is it because of the extra kids?’ In addition to Andy and Allie, Meg was now watching Linn and Amber’s girls, Samantha and Willow.

‘No, that’s not it. I love those two little ragamuffins.’


‘So, what is it?’

‘I don’t mind you working at all.’ She turned and smiled as she pulled into the parking space behind our cabin and near the garage. ‘In fact, it’ll be nice to have the place to just myself and the kids.’ She joked. I think. ‘I’m concerned about you being around so many other people.’ She waved her hand arbitrarily. ‘People up here aren’t the safest you know when it comes to Covid.’

She was right. Mask wearing and social distancing was still frowned upon by the vast majority of rural Minnesotans. But by being conscientious and masking up and social distancing and avoiding crowds we had managed to stay healthy and keep the kids from getting sick with Covid for the nearly five months we’d been up here.

‘I see your point,’ I said, helping the kids get out of the car. I watched them run laughing to the cabin. I pointed and commented, ‘It’s nice to see how well the kids have adjusted.’

‘It is.’

Meg took my hand as we followed behind. The wind was warm blowing through the pine trees. The ever-present crows were around squawking up a store. The sun was shining and the sky was blue. It was a pretty day. ‘The kids are doing great.’ She hugged me. ‘We all are.’ She sighed. ‘I just want you to be careful. That’s all.’

‘Don’t worry. I will be. I’ll wear my mask and use hand sanitizer. Plus, they’ve got a plexiglass barrier between me and the customers.’ I smiled and opened the door for her to go inside. ‘So, you’re okay if I apply.’

She shrugged. ‘I know you’ll be safe. Sure, go ahead.’

So, I did. The next day. Mr. Sven Jorgenson, the manager, hired me on the spot. So far it had worked out fine.

I checked my phone as I went out the back door. I still had some time before I had to leave. ‘Hey, Andy,’ I waved. ‘How you doing?’

He waved back. ‘Fine, Dad. I’m building a fort.

Come look.’ ‘I will.’

‘I found something.’

‘Cool,’ I said, not really thinking about what he’d found, but more to the point, thinking about getting to work. It was only my second week and I wanted to make a good impression. Plus, I was one of those people who was obsessed with being on time. I checked my phone as I walked across the worn yard that at one time probably used to be grass but was now mostly dirt and low growing weeds.

He was playing with some of the boards that were part of the collapsed garage next to the single car one that we could have used if it were empty of junk. Which it wasn’t, hence us parking the Honda Fit outside. The garages were about a hundred feet from the cabin.


On the way, I eyeballed the last of the wood Gladys our landlady had left for us in January. The pile was tiny compared to the ten-chords that had originally been there. We’d used most of it up, but still had enough to take the chill off any cold nights or days. I made a mental note to cut it all up, split it and store it on the porch in the next week or two to clear the yard. Maybe then we could plant a garden.

With those thoughts in mind, I walked up to Andy. He was squatting down with his back to me looking at something.

‘Hi, buddy,’ I said. He was dressed in a dark blue sweater under worn bib-overalls. He had on rubber boots because the ground was soft and muddy in a few places. And on his head, he worn a Minnesota Twins baseball hat. His hair was long and curly and spilled down to his shoulders.

He turned and grinned. ‘Hi, Dad.’ Then he pointed. ‘Look what I found.’

I put my phone away. ‘What?’

He stood up and pointed. ‘There.’ I bent close and looked. ‘Where?’ ‘Under that board.’

I squatted down and looked underneath. ‘I don’t see anything.’

Andy got on his hands and knees next to me and lifted the board.

‘Oh, my god!’ I yelled, scrambling backwards and falling over myself to get away. It was a twisting, writhing, mass of snakes.

Andy laughed. ‘What? You don’t have to be afraid. They just gardener snakes.’

Now let me tell you something about me and snakes. It won’t take long, and it’s not a pretty story. Nor one I’m proud of. My mom was terrified of them. So was my dad. Together they instilled a reptilian fear of them in me while I was growing up that not only filled my days with terror, but my nights with nightmares. ‘They’ll come in your sleep and eat you,’ Mom sometimes said.

‘Or crush you to death by suffocation.’ Dad would add.

Thanks, Mom and Dad.

The idea was to fill me with a fear so great I would stay away from them. Done and done!

But as I got older and I started to rethink that thinking. A friend of mine in college was a herpetologist, a snake guy, and he said to me once, ‘If you fear snakes, that means everything you know about snakes is wrong.’ Rational thinking to an emotionally charged fear, that was true. And, I have to say, I tried. He taught me about the good they did for the environment and their place in the ecosystem. He even got me to hold one, a harmless, four-foot-long bull snake. (Harmless!). All well and good, but I was unprepared for the thousands (at least) of the withering writhing snakelets (or whatever they were called) that my son was so proudly showing me.


As a mature adult and a father who wanted to set a good example for the younger generation, I tried to rally. ‘Those are nice, son,’ I said, trying to keep the quivering quaver out of my voice.

‘I know, Dad. They are so cool.’ He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me. ‘This is the best birthday present every.’

I cleared my throat. ‘You know we can’t keep them.’

‘Oh, I know.’ He grinned at me. ‘I just like knowing they’re here. I can study them.’

Wow. And here I thought the book I got him about strange Grimm’s Fairy Tales would be a hit. (It actually was.) But I have to admit, it was wonderful to see him so excited.

I hugged him, steering clear of the snakes. ‘Well, I’m glad you like them,’ I said.

‘Your mom and I had nothing to do with it, but I’m glad you’re happy.’

‘Oh, I am, Dad. I really am.’

I hugged him some more. He really was a great kid. ‘I’m glad.’

I left then and went to work. Later that afternoon, we had a great Mother’s Day/Andy’s Birthday and everyone had a super good time. Andy enjoyed showing off the den of gardener snakes to Jack and Linn and Arnie and Amber and Sam and Willow. The common consensus was that they were “Awesome!” In fact, I was the only one who had the willies over them. But I did my best to hide it. After all, not only was it Andy’s birthday, but, as my rationally minded son keeps telling me, ‘Dad, don’t worry about them. They’re completely harmless.’


He’s right. They are harmless. And I’m trying my best to get on board and come to grips with the snakes my son so adamantly admires. In fact, he and I go out there every day to check on them. Each day it gets easier, so maybe it’s working. It’s been over a week now, I haven’t even had any nightmares.



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About the author


Jim is an award-winning author who lives west of Minneapolis, Minnesota. His stories and poems have appeared in nearly five hundred online and print publications. His collection Short Stuff was published in early 2021 by Chapeltown Books. Additional stories can be found on his blog: www.theviewfromlonglake.wordpress.com


Friday, 1 May 2026

A productive morning by Andrew Joshua Kerr, espresso

Lying curled in the darkness, he tried to resist the temptation to hit snooze. No, he thought, turning onto his back and kicking away the bed covers. Today is going to be different. Today I’m going to succeed.

            Ten a.m. was far earlier than Doug usually got out of bed. Normally it was more like dinner time.

The cluttered room seemed strangely unfamiliar to his bleary eyes. Piles of books stood like miniature models of Babel, though some were more like Pisa, complete with ashtray battlements manned by old dog-ends with filter-tip muskets.

Every surface that was not piled high with books or ashtrays was strewn with pieces of paper in various sizes and states of repair, scrawled with notes and ideas and lists of 'Things To Do Today'.

The sunlight that streamed in through the narrow window caught every mote of dust thrown into the air by the discarded bed covers that knocked a Pisa into a Babel which, in turn, sent its full contingent of dog-ends to infiltrate the carpet.

‘Damn!’

Doug threw his legs over the side of the bed and stood up amid the wreckage of his bedroom. He'd clean up later. It was time for breakfast.

He looked around for his dressing gown. Where had he put it? Normally it lived amongst the pile of dirty clothes at the foot of his bed.

He began to search through the sock-rich deposit of t-shirts and jeans. Then he remembered. Hadn't he begun to do some laundry a few days ago? Had he succeeded? If so, what had happened to it?

The vision of clean clothes made him smile. Today will begin with clean underwear. He tore open the top drawer of his cupboard. “Ah.”

He had definitely not succeeded in doing any laundry previously. One lone sock stared up at him from the white drawer, its tutti-frutti colours highlighting that it was not even one of his own.

Oh well, he thought, closing the drawer. He left the room wearing only the off-white boxer shorts he had slept in and the day before yesterday's black socks.

He walked into the kitchen and filled the kettle. Bacon and eggs and a cup of tea. Today will start with a good breakfast. He opened the fridge and removed a half-full packet of smoked bacon. It was two days past its 'Use By' date.

Doug looked at it. Little rainbow ribbons glistened when he moved the packet from side to side. It was as though someone had treated the surface with a thin layer of petrol.

He sniffed the packet. It smelt like smoked bacon. He turned on the hob. The frying pan was already there, pre-lubed with the congealed grease of a previous day's bacon sandwich.

Doug took a table knife from the sink, wiped it on his boxer shorts and wrote his name in the white fat. Once it had melted, he put the remaining rashers of bacon into the pan and turned back to the fridge for the eggs.

‘Damn!’

There was nothing else in the fridge except an almost empty tin of baked beans that had developed a downy fuzz and a cucumber that had entirely abdicated any semblance of structural integrity and was now trying to spread itself as far as possible in directions that, presumably, it could only have dreamt of in its solid form.

Miles away, the kettle clicked off the boil. Even though he knew the answer already, Doug re-scanned the interior of the fridge.

‘Damn!’

            Reassess, Doug thought, looking into the frying pan at the bacon that was almost ready. No milk. No eggs. He scratched his chin and the solution came to him.

‘Sandwich,’ he said to himself, nodding. He opened the bread bin and removed the contents.

Three slices of green-blue, dusty bread and a ginger-nut biscuit. Oh well. At least I have a biscuit. He popped it into his mouth.

‘Eugh,’ he said as he swallowed. ‘So that's why no-one keeps biscuits in the bread bin.’

He reassessed again. It was a beautiful day and he needed to do some shopping. So, the only thing to do was, therefore, to do some shopping and enjoy the beautiful day. Doug smiled to himself and began to ponder the problem of where his laundry might be.

The washing machine, of course.

Doug nearly laughed out loud at the obvious logic of it. He knelt down and opened the port-hole door. A smell reminiscent of freshly cut turf met his nostrils.

‘Damn!’

 He felt the mash of sodden clothing. Why hadn't he hung the load outside to dry after the spin cycle had finished last time? Oh well, he thought, setting the machine to 'Fast Coloureds' and closing the port-hole door. It would be clean again by the time he returned from the shops with breakfast. He switched off the hob, went back into his room and uncovered a curry-stained pair of blue jeans and a Rolling Stones t-shirt that he had worn all last week. Then he headed outside into the sunlight. 

            That was a narrow miss.

            Doug congratulated himself as he side-stepped the large dog turd that lay just outside his front door. As he walked past the coatings factory at the bottom of the hill, he waved to the handful of workers that were having a cigarette outside the gate.

“Good morning,” a large lady in blue overalls called over. “Good morning,” Doug called back.

            It’s actually morning! He mentally congratulated himself again.

As he walked towards Yazeem's Corner Store he thought, Today would be a glorious day for a walk in the park. He paused at the door.

If truth be told, he really wasn't all that hungry. “The park first, then,” he said to himself. “It'll give me an appetite.”

He walked down the cobble-stone short-cut, past the ruined graveyard and entered the park, thinking about nothing in particular. The little stream glittered beside the path and Doug was only too happy to enjoy its distracting reflections as he walked along.

To his right, a black poodle was doing its very best to run through the symmetrical gardens carrying a stick nearly as large as itself. Doug smiled.

Those poor tulips, he thought, as he reached the fork in the path.

The duck pond was outside in the spectacular sunshine but the hot house was itself spectacular. All those cacti and living stones and avocados. Not to mention the carnivorous plants.

Doug had briefly kept a small collection of Venus fly-traps and pitcher plants by his kitchen window before they all succumbed to hypo-hydration.

He sat down on a bench to mull over the possibilities. Suddenly, a great cloud rolled across the sun and opened itself out into a sheet of rain. The breeze picked up enthusiasm, hoping to be promoted to wind. Doug suddenly found himself cold and soaked through.

Oh well, that solves that.

He stood up, put his head down and made for home at a hasty saunter.

            Once he was in through the door he put the kettle on.

‘Damn,’ he said as he remembered he hadn’t gone to the shop yet.

‘Damn,’ he said as he looked down at the half cooked bacon in the frying pan.

‘Damn,’ he said as he looked from the washing machine to the window.

‘Shit,’ he said as he went to take off his shoes and noticed the faecal footprints that led back to the front door.

‘I'm going back to bed.’

About the author:

Bio:

Andrew Kerr is a Belfast-born writer living in Vietnam whose short fiction explores humour, memory, and the small absurdities that quietly shape everyday life.


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