Green Around the Gills by : Peter Lingard, lime juice

Green Around the Gills

 I hate spinach, yet my wife serves it regularly. When I leave it on my plate, she complains. It happened again today. ‘I went to the trouble of cooking that for you, so you should eat it!’

‘You already know I can’t stand the stuff, so why do you cook it?’

‘I like it. Most people do!’

‘That’s fine. You can eat it by the bucketload but don’t expect me to do the same.’

‘You could eat it every now and then.’

‘Do you watch football every now and then?’

‘That’s different.’

‘How?’

‘Spinach is good for you.’

‘Football is good for me.’ Stupid! I wanted to strike the words, but it was too late.

‘Football is good for you?’ Her eyes widened and her eyebrows headed north. ‘Pray tell how football is good for you.’

I opened my mouth to say it calms me but managed to stifle the words before they got out. “It takes my mind off spinach.’ That’ll put an end to the argument.

Except she’d seen my mouth open before I changed course. “I can understand that. Football is so boring, it’d chase everything from anyone’s mind.’

I let her words go. ‘Look, can’t I just exist without spinach ever appearing on my plate?’

‘It’s good for you. I’m trying to look after you.’

‘And I appreciate it. I would prefer it though if you could look after me without the involvement of spinach.’

‘How about Brussel sprouts? Would you vote for them instead’

‘Absolutely not.’

‘Cauliflower? How about a vote for cauliflower?’ I shook my head vigorously. ‘No? Cabbage?’

‘No way.’ Then I figured out how to resolve the argument. ‘Look, we’re just going around in a circle here. You know I like spinach in a salad and cabbage in coleslaw. Isn’t that enough of the stuff to keep me healthy? I surely don’t have to eat every dish ever invented using those vegies. Eating them raw must be healthier, especially as none of the goodness has been stewed out of them.’

 

About the author

Peter Lingard,, born a Brit, served in the Royal Marines, was an accountant, a barman and a farm worker. He once lived in the US where he owned a freight forwarding business. An Aussie now because the sun frequently shines and the natives communicate in English.

  Did you enjoy the story? Would you like to shout us a coffee? Half of what you pay goes to the author the other half goes to expenses e.g. Maintaining the web site and setting up The Best of Café Lit book each year.

e