by Dawn Knox
champagne
Two young
rabbits sat on the banks of the river, their large ears drooping.
“I can’t
believe the tickets are sold out,” said Babs with a sigh, “We might as well go
home.’
“Definitely
not! Gary and the Ghoulies are on. I’ve waited all my life to see them.
P’raps we can find some ticket touts,” replied Deirdre.
“We
tried.”
“Well,
p’raps we could hang about near the stage door. You never know, we might get a
glimpse of Gary - or his Ghoulies,” said Deirdre.
“Yeah, I
guess… And it’s not like we’ve got anything better to do.”
“Don’t
remind me… Well, once the music festival’s over, we’ll start job hunting.”
“Yeah,”
said Babs. She paused, “Listen, can you hear someone shouting?”
“It’s
coming from over there.” Deirdre shaded her eyes with a paw and peered at the
custard flowing lazily past.
Babs
squinted at the river. “It looks like a monkey in a boat holding a
custard-coated chicken on a stick.”
“Yeah.
And look! Just behind the monkey, there’s a smaller one doing acrobatics and
juggling bongos. That’s not something you see every day.”
“Hey, you
don’t think they could be one of the bands, do you? It might be a publicity
stunt.”
“Could
be. You don’t often see monkeys in these parts. Hey, you don’t think they could
be The Three Wise Monkeys, do you?”
“Who?”
“Look,
that’s their poster over there.”
Babs
stared at the poster and then at the spectacle on the river.
“The
photos don’t look much like those guys in the boat.”
“They’ve
probably been airbrushed.”
“Yeah,
s’pose. Actually, now you come to mention it, I can see the likeness. That’s
definitely Brain in the boat holding up the chicken-on-a-stick. An’ if you
half-close your eyes, that small one juggling on the side of the boat, is
Colon.”
“What are
they shouting?”
‘It
sounds like ‘Help’.”
“Yeah.
It’s a great publicity stunt, isn’t it?”
“Just a
shame there’s only us around to see it.”
“Oh well,
we can’t hang around here all day watching. We’d better get to the stage door
if we want a chance of getting into the festival.”
“Wait!
I’ve had an idea. If those guys are The Three Wise Monkeys, we might be
able to persuade them to get us in to the stadium.”
“Brilliant!”
When
Eddie had first climbed out of the boat, he’d hesitated before making good his
escape and had rapidly been sucked beneath the custard. Quick-thinking Brian
had inserted an oar up the back of his jacket and hoisted him out of the river
where he remained dangling and dripping. He’d been so heavy that The Saucy
Tart had listed - almost to the point of capsizing, and Brian had not had
the strength to get him back on board. Colin had done his best to keep the boat
upright by leaning precariously in the opposite direction, holding his bongos
and Brian’s guitar for added ballast. No one dared move.
“I can’t
hold Eddie much longer,” Brian gasped, “Colin! Do something!’
“What can
I do? If I move, we’ll capsize. You do something.”
“Help!”
screamed Eddie.
And
amazingly, help came in the form of Babs and Deirdre.
The two
rabbits strode quickly across the custard to The Saucy Tart. Babs held
the boat steady while Deirdre plucked Eddie from the oar and between them, they
carried him to the bank. With trembling muscles, Brian managed to row to the
riverside and he and Colin scrambled to safety.
Eddie was
grateful, of course, but he wished the whole rescue had been slightly more
dignified. Babs’s comment on spotting him had been “Look at that chicken! It’s
got an oar stuck right up its Parson’s Nose.” And that had been bad enough but
the rabbits seemed to have an unhealthy interest in social media and insisted
on photographing everything.
Eddie had
no idea what ‘trending’ meant but he was pretty certain that when he looked up
“#ChickenInCustard” on Facetube, he wasn’t going to be happy. And anyway, how
had two rabbits been able to walk on the river when he’d sunk like a lump of
stodgy pudding?
“You
gotta keep moving on custard, see,” said Babs as if speaking to a child, “if
you stand still, you sink.”
“I knew
that,” said Eddie with a sniff.
By the
time they arrived at the stadium, the custard had congealed on Eddie’s jacket
and coated his skin in a tight, yellow glaze.
“That’s
knocked years off you,” said Brian, “your skin’s all plumped up and your
wrinkles have disappeared.”
“What
d’you mean wrinkles? I don’t have wrinkles. But seriously, do I really
look younger?”
“It’s so
good, I’m tempted to go back to the river and jump in,” said Colin.
“Oooh,
#CustardColon,” said Babs typing furiously on her phone.
“Colin!
the name’s Colin!” said Colin.
“Shh,
Babs! Don’t upset him or they won’t get us in.” She turned to Eddie, “You will
get us in, won’t you? You did promise. And I have a wonderful photo of you
dangling from that oar. I haven’t posted it yet but I thought
#OarUpParsonsNose? might be a good hashtag...’
“Leave
it to me. But I wonder if you might see fit not to post that photo…” said
Eddie.
There was
mayhem in the stage wings. A fox cut a swathe through the crowd of cowering
sheep stagehands with his clipboard. They bleated “Yes, Mr Krapowski, No, Mr
Krapowski,” as he swept past.
“This
cannot be happening to me!” Mr Krapowski pressed his paws to his temples.
“Heads will roll, I assure you!”
“Yes, Mr
Krapowski…”
“No, Mr
Krapowski…”
“Why were
Gary and his Ghoulies skydiving anyway?” the fox asked.
“It was a
publicity stunt, Mr Krapowski, they were supposed to land in the stadium.”
“Well,
they’re no good to me over at Bigburger, are they? I need them here in twenty
minutes.” He stabbed at his watch, “I shall sue the pilot. I shall sue the
aircraft company, I shall sue Gary and his Ghoulies and I’ll sue you if you get
under my feet again.” He kicked the nearest sheep. “Who’s on stage at the
moment?”
“Soggy
Slipper, Mr Krapowski. They’ve got about five minutes left.” The sheep
backed away, his eyes round in fear.
“Who’s on
after them?”
“The
Three Wise Monkeys, Mr
Krapowski.” The sheep nodded towards Eddie.
“Hey!
Monkeys!” yelled Mr Krapowski You’re on after Soggy Slipper and you’ve
been promoted. You’re now the headline act. And you’d better be good or I’ll
sue you.”
“This is
your chance, you Three Wise Monkeys,” said Eddie, patting Brian and Colin on
their shoulders.
Colin
wiped away the sticky custard smear. “I’m not a monkey, I’m a lemur.”
“Perhaps
you could be an honorary monkey just for today. Once you’re stars, you can be
whatever you like,” said Eddie pushing him towards the stage.
Mr
Krapowski herded them all forward. “Hurry up! The audience’ll get restless. Get
on stage!”
“It’s
just Brian and Colin who are The Three Wise Monkeys, Mr Krapowski. I’m
the manager and these are our roadies,” said Eddie gesturing to Babs and
Deirdre.
“The
headline act is miles away in Bigburger and I’m about to send in a second rate
band in front of ten thousand people. If the audience don’t get value for
money, we’ll be torn limb from limb. So, I’m not going to introduce The
Three Wise Monkeys and then send in two monkeys. I’m going to introduce The
Three Wise Monkeys and send in two monkeys, two rabbits and a chicken with
a skin complaint.”
Brian
grabbed Eddie’s beak, slapped a hand over Colin’s mouth and dragged them both
on to the stage.
“Shall we
go on too?” Babs asked Mr Krapowski hopefully, snapping a quick selfie.
“Ooh,
#DreamComeTrue,” said Deirdre as Mr Krapowski shoved them on.
Soggy
Slipper left the
stage to tumultuous applause which stopped abruptly when The Three Wise
Monkeys, two rabbits and a bald chicken appeared. Ignoring the lukewarm
welcome, Brian swung his arm in an arc and began a riff so catchy, that Babs
and Deirdre began to jive. Colin struck up a rhythmic beat and before long,
toes began to tap, shoulders started to twitch and the audience began
screaming. Eddie crept off stage. It all seemed to be going well without him.
On
reaching the wings, someone seized him by the throat.
“Not
so fast, chicken…”
“Mr
Krapowski! Please, I’m really not at home on the stage. I’m management. I’m
sure a fine director like you can appreciate that…and I’m actually a bald
eagle.”
Eddie
found himself flying through the air. He bounced twice and came to rest at the
base of a large speaker. He was tempted to remain there but the overhead lamps
were heating his custard coating and he was beginning to turn golden brown like
a crème brûlée. If he didn’t get away from the lights soon, he feared he might
caramelise.
“We love The
Three Wise Monkeys!” the audience screamed.
“Ooh,
#MonkeysRule,” shouted Deirdre, taking a selfie of herself and Babs, with the
audience in the background.
Still
lying on his back, a dazed Eddie spotted an enormous silky parachute overhead.
It hovered for an instant in the strobe lighting and gently fluttered downwards.
“Stop it
with the publicity stunts, already!” Mr Krapowski shouted from the wings.
On the
left side of the stage, Brian and Colin were in musical nirvana, filling the
stadium with music. Babs and Deirdre were on the right, performing dance moves
so energetic, they were in danger of hurling each other into the frenzied
crowd.
As the
parachute descended, it became apparent to Eddie that two holes had opened up
in it. One lace-trimmed hole was poised directly over the musicians and the
other, over the dancers, but Eddie could see that the parachute would smother
the rest of the stage, including him. Keeping his eye on a fist-waving Mr
Krapowski, he surreptitiously crept backwards in the other direction. And he
might have made it, but for the large cable behind him. Scrabbling for his
footing and fluttering his wings to regain balance, he almost managed to make
it off stage before the parachute landed, covering everything in white silk,
except Brian, Colin, Babs and Deirdre.
The
audience went wild.
“Ooh,
look Babs, we’re trending!” said Deirdre holding up her phone.
“I know.
Listen to what they’re saying about us on Facetube!’ said Babs, as the others
gathered round. “The Three Wise Monkeys rocked Spudwell Stadium this evening.
Genius! Musical monkeys, jive bunnies and a moonwalking chicken. The parachute
stunt was inspired! And the special smell effects were a real innovation,” she
read.
“Smell
effects? I don’t know what they’re talking about. Anyway, come on,” Eddie said
to Brian and Colin, his wings round their shoulders, “let’s go, I’m exhausted.
We’ve still got to find digs tonight. Well done ladies and thanks for all the
help.’
Before
Eddie could take more than a few steps, a large paw came down on his neck. “Ah,
my friend, what a great show. You’re not leaving so soon, are you? We have a
lot to discuss.”
Eddie
gulped. He wasn’t entirely comfortable being hugged by a fox. “Yes, Mr
Krapowski.”
“That
parachute stunt was nothing short of brilliant!”
“Er, yes,
thank you.”
A
trembling sheep sidled up to Mr Krapowski, ‘What d’you want us to do with the
elephant’s knickers, Mr Krapowski?”
“Which
elephant’s knickers?”
“I don’t
know which elephant it was who threw her knickers, Mr Krapowski. All elephants
look the same to me.”
“Where
are these knickers?”
“All over
the stage, sir.”
“Stupid
sheep!” said Mr Krapowski, swiping him with his clipboard, “Use your
initiative. Oh, wait! I forgot, you don’t have any.”
The sheep
tiptoed away.
“Now,
where were we?” Mr Krapowski turned back to Eddie “How did you arrange the
delicious vanilla smell? What a triumph! What a spectacle! You were all
sublime. I’ve never offered a recording contract to an unknown band but you
boys and ladies are going to be my first. Now, did I hear you say you don’t
have digs tonight? No problem. My brother has a luxury hotel down the road and
he’d be thrilled to offer you complementary rooms. I’ll meet you tomorrow and
we can talk business.”
The Macaroon
Chronicles Prologue and the Three Wise Monkeys - http://cafelitcreativecafe.blogspot.com/2020/01/the-macaroon-chronicles-prologue-and.html?m=0
About the author
Dawn’s
latest book is ’The Basilwade Chronicles’ published by Chapeltown Books
and she enjoys writing in different genres and has had romances, speculative
fiction, sci-fi, humorous and women’s fiction published in magazines,
anthologies and books. She’s also had two plays about World War One performed
internationally. You can follow her here on https://dawnknox.com , Facebook
here DawnKnoxWriter or on Twitter here https://twitter.com/SunriseCalls
Sent from Dawn's iPhone with hugs
