Time Keeping
The day the clocks stopped the watchmakers were fired. It was the old “you had one job” maxim in play here. What nobody thought to ask was why the clocks stopped. They were just looking for someone to blame.
But then you humans are great at things like that. Makes your planet ripe for takeover of course. All you need is any alien being with a modicum of intelligence and the ability to put you lot into a panic. The ability to play with time helps too. It means it’s even easier to confuse you. Look at the fuss you make in the United Kingdom when the clock has to go forward or backwards by an hour during the year.
And what do my lot and I hope to gain by taking over your planet? What do we do with you? Well, that’s easy too. We’re taking you lot out for dinner. We won’t take too many at a time as that would arouse suspicions even from you, but a disappearance here, another one there, well-spaced out, will cover our tracks well enough. Mucking about with time helps us to space out disappearances even better. You’ll even help us to an extent. Don’t you always say “I really don’t know where the time went” when you have a good time? Only this time it will be us who will have the good time and we’ll know exactly where the time went!
We’ve done all of this before, many times. No, we didn’t run out of food. Someone got wise to the time manipulation game we played and put everything back. Wretched time travellers get everywhere. Ruddy nuisance the lot of them as they see right through our ploys. Still we should do very well here on Earth. It’s not as if you’ve got anyone to call on, is it? All I need to do is let my people know it’s food time!
Resisting Time
I got here first. I’m not having some time manipulating aliens on my patch. I found Earth. It’s my place and I’m not having that lot eat the species I came to study (and in whatever historical period I choose too. I’ve only just got started with Elizabeth and Anne and there is so much more to go through with them alone). The chances of my ever getting a gig like this again are remote. As for the book rights when I return home, well they’d be phenomenal. My kind are curious about other species and we don’t eat them either. Strictly veggie, the lot of us.
Still I know where these greedy beggars are and what I can do to stop them. The funny thing is the humans will never know they were saved by another alien species. Still, it’s something I’ll save for the autobiography I think.
There we go! I’ve found the greedy beggar about to call home. I don’t think so. Ah, yes you can curse and swear all you like, sunshine, but I’ve trapped you in your own time machine. Someone was careless. Someone left the door of his spaceship open. Anyone can walk into that. Anyone, I tell you. It’s drummed into us at elemental level to never do that.
Time to send this wretched creature back to that point in time when Earth didn’t exist and keep it there. A few clicks on my own time alteration machine and off it goes! And now I resume my studies… time to take up the appearance of a respectable librarian again. I can have fun with that one.
Looking For Company
The dragon surveyed the empty street, which had been teeming with life a moment ago. It was funny how that always happened whenever he turned up.
Likewise how he could always find gold and then dwarves, sometimes equally foolhardy humans, would try to steal it. The dragon hated flaming other beings (unless he fancied a barbecue) but some species just didn’t understand any other language. They couldn’t get away with rotten behaviour, could they? It would only encourage them to steal more gold. He was flaming them for their own good, really.
What the dragon was after now was company. Someone somewhere should know where there was a female dragon, who was also feeling a tad lonely. All they had to do was tell him where she was and off he would go, leaving them in peace. Win-win all round there.
He was sure he and said female dragon would also reward the people who helped them to get together by avoiding their settlements, maybe even defending them. Goodness knew, there were other strange creatures out there (most of whom the dragon had flamed for food in his time).
So why wouldn’t these villages just give him a moment of their time? He wouldn’t flame them if they didn’t know. He’d just move on. They’d soon see him fly off and breathe a sigh of relief.
The dragon sighed. It wasn’t easy being a massive fire-breathing beast. Very few liked you.
He turned to move off to the next village. There was a crash. He looked behind him. His tail had just taken off the church spire. Oops. Time to go then. There really was nothing for him here.
Eating Out
The gull enjoyed the look of astonishment on the day tripper's face, almost as much as the bird loved the stolen battered cod. Dessert was sorted - the gull went back and pinched the same tourist's mint choc chip ice-cream.
About the author
Allison Symes, who loves quirky fiction, is published by Chapeltown Books, CafeLit, and Bridge House Publishing. She writes for Chandler’s Ford Today and Writers’ Narrative.
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