By James McMillan
Margaret: Good evening everybody and welcome to the Monday night meeting of your local group of Weightogo. An especially warm welcome to our two new members who joined tonight. Lucy and Ruth who are sitting down here at the front. (Steff: Are they bigger than me? No! I hate it when the new people who join are smaller than I am after being here for ages.) Please stand up ladies and give everybody a wave Yes, I know it’s embarrassing but everyone wants to see our new friends. (Louise: At least they’re not a size 14. Oh, hi there!)
Margaret: As always, we begin by giving the results of the weigh in that we have just held. Tonight, I can report that the twenty-three members who came last week and came back tonight have lost the fantastic total of forty-one pounds and six point five ounces. (Steff: How much did you lose? Louise: Mind your own business! Steff: Oops, like that, is it?) Our total weight loss since September is now an amazing one hundred and seven pounds (Louise: That’s about half a ton. Steff: Or half a cow. Louise: Well you should know!) Wonderful progress everybody. I think we should give ourselves a big round of applause. Yes, yes, yes! And how do we do it? We count mouthfuls! Some weight loss classes count calories, some count points, some count sins but we simply remember how many mouthfuls we have every day and keep it down to a reasonable number. What could be simpler? (Steff: So why are we still fat? Louise: It’s genetic, we had fat mums.)
Margaret: But always bear in mind the good news. You can have as many mouthfuls of green vegetables as you want. Dishes made with green vegetables like the Weightogo special recipe cabbage soup taste delicious, fill you up and help you lose weight! Louise: Delicious delicious?
Margaret: Yes Louise?
Louise: Delicious, delicious.
Margaret: It certainly is. I am so glad you agree. Make a huge batch of cabbage soup everybody and freeze it. It is so handy. I think your other halfs and your children will love it. (Louise: They are more likely to run away from home)
Margaret: Now if any of you have not seen the Weightogo recipe book yet, please have a good look at my sample copy at the end of the meeting. Remember on days when you eat lots of lovely healthy vegetables a glass of wine can be your special treat. (Louise: Who on earth can stop at one? Steff: I think she means a bottle. Should we ask her? Louise: No!).
Margaret: Finally, a few words about do’s and don’ts. I know there is so much temptation to eat every day. That last slice of cake, the last biscuit, and the remains of that great pudding you cooked for the kids which will not keep until tomorrow. The golden rule is.. (Steff: Wait for it, wait for it.) No picking. For little pickers need bigger knickers. (Louise: funny the first time we heard it, now it drives me mad. Steff: The new ladies are wetting themselves) What did you say Louise?
Louise: I don’t wear knickers. Shayne likes me in thongs. On cold days, I wear two.
Margaret: Oh, you are a character Louise, I hope the ladies who joined tonight will see what a happy bunch we are. Losing weight is not easy but it does not have to be a serious business. It leads to a healthier and happier life and should be encouraged. Which brings me nicely to our Winner of the Month award. Every month we present the member who has lost the most weight with the Weightogo 5-year diary to record your amazing achievements. I am pleased to tell you that the winner this month has lost an amazing 13 pounds 11 ounces and the winner is… Hazel White. Well done Hazel. (Steff: She is still a size 22. Louise: Jealous, jealous.)
Margaret: That’s it folks. Next week, the doors will be open at 6-30. Please remember that although I love you all, I want to see less of you from now on!
Louise: OMG, she gets worse every week. I need a drink now. Sauvignon Blanc or Bacardi Breezer, decisions, decisions). What do you fancy?
Steff: In order to lose a tiny little bit, I haven’t eaten anything all day, well hardly anything, so I feel like a visit to Pizza Hut is called for.
Louise: Oh yes! That’s why you are my best friend. Yes, let’s live a little tonight and make cabbage soup tomorrow.
Steff: Remind me again, what does a cabbage look like?
About the Author:
James has every intention of rejoining the local weight loss group at an early date in 2020.