Thursday 7 June 2018

Rose Tinted Glasses

by Linda Payne

mock champagne

Aah, my two lovely boys, Nick and Sean. I’m looking forward to seeing them today. Just waiting for my girl Rachel then we can go in together.

Nick’s dad was tall, dark and handsome. He takes after his dad.

Sean’s dad was smooth, smart, sophisticated and when my boy flutters his eyelids he looks just like his dad, or at least I think they both take after their dads. I mean how well do you remember people after a few drinks on a one-night stand.

I remember Rachel’s dad well enough though. He hadn’t long come out of prison and, well, you know how it is, every man needs his comforts now and again so I just comforted him. In fact, I comforted him a few times.

He did do the honourable thing though, he did offer to marry me when he heard I was pregnant but when I learned that he murdered his second wife that put me off a bit. They don’t know what happened to his first wife. Hasn’t been seen for years. She seems to have disappeared somewhere. Probably doesn’t want the attention.

Why I’m visiting my two lovely lads in prison I don’t know, I mean take Sean for example, so he was caught with his hands in the till. I reckon that if they’d paid proper wages instead of this zero hours nonsense he wouldn’t have done it. Treat people well and they’re okay. Alright, so he wasn’t working for the company he stole from at the time, but he might have been.

And then there’s Nick, I mean what millionaire surrounds their houses with razor wire? My poor Nick didn’t stand a chance when he slipped and fell on it. Scarred him for life that has. He was only trying to help some old lady get her cat back.

Caring and considerate is my Nick. Anyway the shotgun he was carrying didn’t belong to him. He was looking after it for a mate. He didn’t know it was loaded when he shot that policeman in the leg.
I just think the policeman held a grudge. My boy wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose. That policeman had it in for him, all the police had it in for both my boys. That’s the only reason they’re both in prison. Very kind-hearted boys, my lads.

Take Sean, he spent a whole morning collecting money for the wheelchair that the policeman now needs and what thanks did he get for that? None. I remember that night he took us all out for dinner, it was at a posh restaurant up west. He said he’d treat us all to a celebratory meal for his having raised so much money. Bought me a lovely outfit from Harrods for the occasion.

Everyone’s always picked on my two boys ever since they were in the juniors. All the local shopkeepers banned them from their shops. Said my boys were stealing. Why tempt kids with interesting stuff and put them where kids can easily reach them? That’s only asking for trouble.
Okay the boys had to go to the back of the counter for the fags, but I blame the shopkeeper for that, he should have served my boys instead of answering his landline. Only had himself to blame, should’ve used a mobile. My boys are good boys; they are always looking after their mum.

As does my daughter, Rachel. Good girl she is. The neighbours say she is cheap, they even went so far as to say that she is a bit of a tart. They’re only jealous. One nasty old crow said my Rach earns her money at sex parties. I told her straight I said if my girl can earn enough money to pay for a penthouse and a Ferrari by selling frilly knickers to people in their own homes it just shows what a good saleswoman she is. That shut her up. I can tell you.

Only a couple of minutes to go I hope Rachael won’t be much longer. Oh good here she comes. Cutting it a bit fine but never mind she’s here now that’s all that matters.  We can go and visit her brothers now.

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