by Amanda Jones
with warm milk and honey
Grief brought wails of emotion and tears, so many tears. Yet being there, watching Mum die also brought an honourable witnessing. It grasped my very being, wrapping my stomach in knots and claiming my appetite.
Throughout my twenty-six years with Mum I grappled with her almost genius quality. So strong was her faith and belief in forgiveness. Never, did I think I would finally understand.
What happens when you do?
Life becomes easier and expectation gives way to acceptance. Every day becomes a bonus and one of unknown opportunity. For many years I meditated, grew my soul, drenched my childhood depression and anxiety with positivity. It worked.
But, it also created a mask of smiles to confront the world. I learned that my peers, colleagues, friends, family were not interested in truth and honesty. They wanted a cover to be drawn over everything with a pretence of happiness. You cannot reach genuine love and joy like this.
Only by facing issues and accepting wrongs can you move on.
The boxes in my head can open as I please and be slammed shut. They should not be filed away to be forgotten and shelved. They lurk in the background, nibbling at you, pulling you further into darkness. I had to find the strength to open them all, in order to close them at will.
So, what about faith?
Is it God?
People are convinced that God would not make us suffer. But, it is our choices, our experience and how we choose to love which brings peace. God is the light within each one of us and to sit still, bathing in this divinity truly gives and enables us to return the gift. I truly believe that a liberating God allows us freedom and our own choices with this bring our experience.
What happens when you do find peace?
You are there for others and no longer afraid. Kindness and love prevail.
About the author
Amanda has been writing since childhood and along with short stories she writes her Missy Dog charity series, poetry, non-fiction and horror. You can find her here:
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