Paula is Not Moving by Judith Skilleter, gin and tonic

Paula thinks she ought to move house. No, that is wrong. Paula’s three children all think she ought to move house. Where she currently lives is too big for one person; it requires too much upkeep and with bills going up all the time her utilities costs are huge and Paula is not getting any younger – as climbing the stairs two or three times a day reminds her. But Paula is not convinced that a move is for her. She can afford the extra costs and if she shuts doors the rooms unused are forgotten.

Her home is one in which she has lived all her married life of fifty happy years.  She and her husband Gordon, who died some years ago with prostate cancer – long before they know what they know now about that dreadful disease - had saved and saved to be able to put down a mortgage on their detached three bedroom house.  The cost of the house was £5000 and their mortgage was high.

Paula’s dad who, had always lived in rented property, said on a number of occasions to the young couple

“I don’t know how you sleep at night taking on such a huge debt”

But Paula and Gordon were determined; they knew it would be their forever home, and they were successful. Not once did they miss a mortgage repayment and their house was now worth many times that initial valuation of £5000 and had become a nice inheritance for their three children. Yet it was these same three children who were encouraging Paula to find somewhere smaller.

Paula went along with her children’s plans – as she always had – but not with the enthusiasm they had hoped for.

“Anything to keep them happy,” she thought, “and off my back”.

Paula loved her home. It had over fifty years of marvellous memories. Some memories were not marvellous though. She remembers miscarrying their first child in the bathroom at eleven weeks. She remembers Kate, their eldest child, falling down the stairs and breaking a leg at three years old. She remembers Richard, their middle child, at sixteen hiding cannabis in his bedroom. Gordon was so cross and ashamed and sad when Paula found this strange substance in his sock drawer and showed it to her husband.

“The stupid little git,” were the most polite words he used when he recognised the cannabis. And his words to their son were even less polite. Richard is now a barrister in London and doing OK.  The family joke is that Richard is a barista in London as he loves coffee. Richard does not think this joke is very funny.

And she remembers Jill, their youngest, telling them straight after her A levels and with a university place secured that she was pregnant and was keeping the baby and that she and Matt would marry but not yet. It was her fait accompli. There was no discussion about a termination – Jill would not allow it.

But now Jill and Matt have celebrated their silver wedding anniversary and are doing things now that they might have done in their late teens and early twenties. Currently a very happy and very much in love couple, they are back-packing somewhere in Western Australia. Their three children, all born before they married, have left the nest and are pursuing their own lives and ambitions. 

(Jill and Matt’s wedding was put off until after their family was complete on purpose – they wanted all their children to be on the wedding photographs. Their son was Matt’s best man at 6 years old and their twin girls at three years old were bridesmaids.)

As for the house itself,  it was very much a sixties house. It had one bathroom with a toilet at the top of the stairs. Showers were not in regular use then but once they became more popular a hand held shower was fixed to the taps. The kitchen was tiny but big enough for a very small kitchen table.  They ate in the separate dining room where new G plan furniture was their pride and joy. They had a garage but no car.

“Things are so different now,” thinks Paula as she reluctantly tours houses with double garages and ensuites and very fancy showers. Paula does not like ensuites. The thought of waking up in the night, finding that the door to the ensuite is open and all she can see is bleach and toilet rolls fills her with horror. She looked at houses with plugs for electric cars. “No thank you,” thinks Paula as she drives home in her manual ten year old Ford Fiesta.

The five of them managed very nicely thank you with one family bathroom. But changes came when the girls needed more privacy and when the loo queue was becoming more of a nuisance. Paula and Gordon then built a bedroom and bathroom on top of the garage, itself by then filled with a family car, for the girls’ use and an extra toilet was fitted under the stairs.

“How did we manage without these changes,” thinks Paula as she looks back at the years when she went into the new bathroom and saw the mess, the shampoo, the conditioners, the creams and lotions and potions and  make-up and all the private stuff that young teenage girls need – or at least think they need. As for the downstairs loo, it is a godsend now she finds stairs tricky.

The children know of Paula’s problems with stairs and think a bungalow would be a good idea. Paula has looked at bungalows and doesn’t like them. It seems wrong to Paula to have the sleeping space on the same level as the living space – go in the front door and turn left to the bedrooms with at least one dreaded ensuite and turn right to the living space, usually painted grey or magnolia or one of the many swanky paint colours that are fashionable these days.

Then there is security. Paula’s upstairs windows are usually open all summer; she sleeps with her bedroom window open all year round. But it would not be a good idea to leave a bungalow without checking that all the windows were closed if not locked.   ”No fresh air unless you were in.” Paula shakes her head in dismay.

So Paula has ditched the idea of moving to a house without an upstairs. Her children think she is mad but her mind is made up. Paula was now looking at smaller houses, she would be downsizing – “What a horrible word” she thinks. But to her dismay the smaller houses she viewed were just as dismal and unimpressive – and small.

If she moved she would then have to get rid of so much stuff, so many memories, and so many things that are so important to her. Her best memories are, of course, the many happy years with Gordon. Years and years of delight that she is determined to not leave behind.

After another unsuccessful house viewing Paula made her mind up. She found her mobile phone and tapped to the Watts app group linking her with her children. She left a message.

“I have had enough of house viewing. I am staying put. I will buy a stair-lift. Don’t even try to dissuade me. Love and kisses, mum.”