by Dawn Knox
Thank you for your speedy reply to my recent enquiry.
I must admit to being rather shocked to discover I won’t receive a pension on retirement. Of course, there’s no one to blame for this situation but myself. I should have paid more attention to my future.
However, I’m sure I don’t need to point out that managing this project each year is very time-consuming. My team are exceptional, and during the last two years, they’ve risen to the challenge of the pandemic with remarkable dedication and perseverance. Yet, despite the problems of staff sickness and shortages, we’ve hit our deadlines year on year. Nevertheless, I feel like I’ve been working 24/7, for… well, forever. And that has given me very little time for retirement planning – or indeed anything.
I understand from my contract that I’m required to give you a year’s notice. Sadly, I feel I must inform you of my resignation now.
I have applied for the job of Easter Bunny and have been successful. Although some people might consider the new post a demotion, it will allow me some much needed free time. In addition, it has many benefits such as eight weeks holiday a year, good pension, a generous chocolate ration and private healthcare.
However, I’m aware of the problems you may face in engaging a replacement for me and accordingly, I have a plan. I’ve been feeding the largest elf in my team a strict diet of mince pies and Christmas pudding to bulk him up a bit and I’ve also confiscated his razor. He knows the route to take on Christmas Eve and will, of course, be trained in all that is necessary before I leave, such as sleigh maintenance and reindeer control.
As per my contract, please be assured my outfit will be left dry-cleaned, and my boots polished.
I hope that meets with your approval.
Yo, Ho, Ho and Season’s Greetings,
About the author
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