Taking The Pen Away
There was once a cracker joke writer
Whose puns made people curse the blighter
So when his pen was taken
He felt forlorn, forsaken
But the world felt oh so much brighter!
Crossing Time
'I suppose you think that was clever', the girl said.
'Of course, why do it otherwise?' I replied.
'You can't hold me back. It doesn't matter what you do.'
'There's not a human born who doesn't long to, you know. I had the courage to try.'
'Or the foolishness! Most of you accept you cannot beat me. You even celebrate me once a year.'
'Yes, it's all lights and fireworks and parties, but you are a cruel devil and I will beat you.'
The girl laughed. 'How? You're not immortal. You can't win a fight with Time. I should know. I also know how long you have. I can see your sands running through.’
Out of nowhere she produced an hour glass and sure enough the sand was running through but I didn't care. I didn't bother looking. I didn't want to know. It wasn't the object of the exercise. I wanted to defy Time and I had.
'I can keep you at bay with this time piece, and keep doing so until it is time for me to go. I like my current age. I will stay this way. That will do.'
I waved the pocket watch in the girl's face as if daring her to take it but she waved it away from me. The watch hands were going backwards. I set them to a week ago last Friday. I wanted to see if I could do it the way the salesman in that strange little shop insisted I could.
And sure enough here I was back where I had been last Friday. Just outside the chip shop, cursing myself for forgetting my coat on what was the coldest night of the year so far. What I hadn't expected was this wraith like girl turning up to berate me.
'There is always a price to pay for crossing Time,' the girl said, sighing. 'I will catch you in the end. Your time will come. And trust me I will make you know it when it does. I don't like cheats. I never have.'
'So be it but my 'time's up' will be at the age I choose.'
'And how are you going to explain that to people? Tell them you've got a funny portrait in your attic?'
I grimaced. I must admit that thought had not occurred to me. But so what? I could always tell people I had found a really good moisturiser!
The girl vanished. I went and got my chips. I was just crossing the road, munching them happily, when a Mini came out of nowhere and sent me crashing across to the other side. The last thing I remember was seeing the girl reappear and she was laughing.
I got one thing right. Time is a cruel devil.
The Gatekeeper
Not many people call on me. A King did once just as his country was at war. He was a good man and I told him what he needed to know. He asked the right question, see.
Yes, I stand here. I look back and I look forward but I cannot tell you what I see. I am bound to the highest power of all and He binds me to secrecy.
Be honest now. What would you do if you knew the future? The temptation to use it for your own ends would be too much.
Oh I know how weak humans are. Some of you think hate is a good thing. I would’ve thought looking back at your own history would tell you otherwise. If you can’t learn from your past which is fixed, why would you learn from the future, which isn’t?
But what do I know? More than I ever dare tell.
I am the gatekeeper. I watch. I see life and death but I join in with neither. My role is a tough one but vital. Nobody abuses time on my watch. Time is a gift. Use her wisely. Go forth then and put your hand in the hand of God. It is what the King did.
Author note: This is a nod to the poem The Gate of the Year by Minnie Louise Haskins, which starts with And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year. King George VI quoted from it in his 1939 Christmas Day speech. The poem still has resonance and always will though I think the gatekeeper’s role would be an incredibly lonely one.
Travelling Well
You know just where the cold gets when you travel in winter as I do. The Beast from the East is such a good description. It is of no use to man or beast. Not only is there the chill to contend with, the nights draw in so early. Okay, my peak time of travel is midnight (it’s a tradition), but when I’m off duty, I like to see the sun as much as anyone else does.
I take plenty of hot drinks with me but I’m always okay for food. There are loads of mince pies (it’s just as well I love them) and if I got stuck, I could always scoff the carrots left out for my reindeer. Must let someone know reindeers don’t eat carrots. It’s something to do with their teeth but I’ve forgotten what that was now. I guess the kindly thought is there though. Means a lot to me in my job, that does.
I have no choice on when I travel and I’ve got used to it over the centuries. Seeing the Northern Lights is always wonderful and trust me I have the best view ever of those. Cheers me up immensely. Cold, dark nights, bad weather - winter doesn’t have much to commend it, does it? I like to think though I bring a little cheer when it’s needed though.
But at least I don’t get stuck in snow or caught out by heavy traffic. My flying sleigh is pretty unique. But oh I feel the cold, despite all my layers, and I’m not as young as I was. I love the job but, when I get home, kick the old boots off, and my journey’s done for another year, oh the relief! Mrs Claus has a decent meal and hot drinks on standby. (Mince pies are great but not terribly filling and even I can only eat so many of them before I yearn for a juicy steak pie or something). Journeys in winter are made bearable when you’ve someone to come home to and the job you do is worthwhile. Trust me I know. And the admin’s okay. I have a list, I have to check it twice, but I could do that in my sleep now.
Talking of which, another Christmas Eve has come and gone. Time to get my head down for a bit I think. See you next year - or not. Depends what side of my list you’re on!
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