by Wendy Pike
Pina Colada
The
chances of us getting away on holiday this year seem as remote as a weekend
break on the moon yet I’m constantly day dreaming about holidays. I’m craving a
break at the seaside and fixated on swimming in the sea. Not in the cold,
cloudy waters of Southend-on-Mud, although I wouldn’t mind a day trip there if
the Essex riviera wasn’t quite so crowded, but somewhere with pretty sandy
beaches and sparkling, clear, turquoise water. The kind of sea that shimmers on
the surface with dancing diamonds of sunlight. Somewhere warm. Somewhere not
here at Stop-at-Home.
In
the grand scheme of things amidst the ongoing chaos and fear of the coronavirus
pandemic it does sound pretty selfish. But dreaming of holidays and what I’ll
do when all this is over is kind of keeping me vaguely sane. I realise I’m not
alone in this longing. Even Santa is missing his usual summer break. How do I
know this? … I saw him yesterday. And it wasn’t even close to gin and tonic
o’clock.
“YMCA.
It’s fun to stay at the YMCA …” I leaped off the sofa to the window in a
couple of strides to check out the commotion, wondering which inconsiderate
neighbour had put their car stereo on so loud. Instead I was greeted by an
astonishing sight. It was Santa. And he was waving at me.
I
ran to the kitchen to get my phone. I knew I had to get photographic evidence
otherwise nobody in my family would believe me about this surreal, surprise,
mega-celebrity appearance. Santa in our street. In daylight. In June.
By
the time I reached the front door, Santa’s red sleigh, pulled by a couple of
reindeer, assisted by a black Range Rover, was more than halfway down our short
road. The tune had changed to the Beach Boys. “Bar Bar Bar, Bar Bar Bra Ann,
Bar Bar Bar, Bar Bar Bra Ann …”
Some
helpers in masks, possibly elves or security guards, walking either side of the
sleigh noticed me sprinting down the road and told the reindeer to ‘Whoa
there!’ Then the world famous white bearded one, dressed in jeans, pineapple
print, turquoise, Hawaiian shirt and white fur-rimmed red Santa hat, posed for
a photo exclusively for me. He was holding aloft an orange and yellow
starfish-shaped inflatable ring.
Clearly
the deers’ antlers and hooves had recently been painted and polished, pristine
white. Their brown bodies festooned with red and white twinkle lights and gold
bells. Tastefully so, not overdone at all. Completing their festive look,
tinsel garlands of green leaves and pine were draped around their necks. The
sleigh was also bedecked in twinkle lights along with swags of red glittery
tinsel, tracing the profile of the trusty, ancient vehicle.
Having
mulled over the most exciting event, not just of lockdown but of my life, and
analysed the clues, I’ve concluded that: Santa couldn’t take his usual summer
break in Hawaii due to the coronavirus pandemic. Because of his great age, he
is in the high risk category and so has to be extra careful about shielding and
self isolating.
Santa
loves a beach holiday, preferably somewhere hot, but cannot swim. He never
takes his red bobble hat off, no matter what the temperature. Like me, he’s
partial to a Pina Colada on holiday. He has two favourite reindeer. Rudolph
isn’t one of them. It’s Dancer and Prancer as they live to party and love a
disco. Santa also likes disco but will bop to a bit of rock and roll when the
mood grabs him. Whilst Santa cannot get away on holiday this year, he’s decided
to make the most of things and do what he does best which is cheer people up,
spreading a little happiness to counteract the endemic gloom.
What
I cannot fathom is why Santa is locked down in Essex with his reindeer and not
in the North Pole. What I find even more incredible than seeing the actual,
timeless, legend, in the flesh, is that nobody else in my street took any notice
of his surprise visit. I know I didn’t dream it. I’ve got the photo to prove
it.
If
everything happens for a reason, I’m certain Santa’s visit is a reminder for me
to get on and do what I can do and stop fretting about what I can’t do. So I’ve
decided to follow Santa’s good example by trying to make the best of things,
holiday-wise and in general. At the top of my shopping list this week are white
rum, pineapple juice and coconut cream. I’m starting with a Pina Colada to get
me in the holiday spirit. I may even work my way up to braving a day trip to
Southend.
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