Thursday 15 December 2011


Roger Noons

Snow ball
‘Can you smell carrots?’ Stanley asked.
‘No,’ replied Sidney. ‘She’s not used one for my nose, it’s somewhat lower down and it’s developed an icicle.’
‘Sound’s interesting,’ interrupted Rupert, in his soprano-like tone.
Having overheard this conversation between the snowmen last winter, I was determined that this year’s competition would be more respectable. Things had definitely got out of hand, particularly when the temperature rose on the Sunday afternoon. Scarves and hats were cast aside and all manner of unpleasantness ensued.
So well in advance of the snow forecast, I posted the following on the notice board outside the Village Hall.
Rules for the Building of Snowpersons
  1. The maximum height for a snowperson will be 1m (children) and 1.75m (adults).
  2. The body shape must be traditional, ie. slightly rotund and definitely not obese.
  3. The face must not be fashioned in order to represent any known person or celebrity.
  4. In addition to snow, the only other materials allowed will be twigs, small pieces of partially burned solid fuel and shells.
  5. The only clothing additions allowed are 1 scarf and 1 hat, per snowperson.
  6. In sculpting the snowperson, care should be taken to not give any indication of age, sex, race or sexual orientation.
  7. Any entry failing to comply with these rules will be disqualified and destroyed.
  8. The decision of the Judge (Me) will be final. No discussion will be entered into regarding the decision.
Emily Snobtrott, Organiser.
It is the closing date tomorrow and not a single entry has yet been constructed. I am beside myself and cannot imagine what on earth has gone wrong.
BIO - Roger Noons began writing in 2006, when he completed a screenplay, for a friend who is an amateur film maker. After the film was made, he wrote further scripts, then began short stories and poems. He occasionally produces non fiction, particularly memoirs from his long career in Environmental Health.

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