I’ve always wanted to jump from a great height. It’s less about the dying and more about feeling the Earth rush for once. As a child, I would lie in the car during Fall excursions to Skyline Drive. I’d steal glances out the rear window and watch red maple leaves tumble off the road. They’d sail hundreds of feet into the valley below.
“If you’re afraid, why do you stare?” My mother would ask.
“Even if planes don’t crash all that often,” I say, “It happened to Dad.”
“But this is a mountain.” She replied.
She never understood.
Now, older, I am sublimating. I’m shocked at how high I’ve climbed, fear and all.
“James,” Tom says.
I ignore him. It’s hard to feel on the 77th floor. I sip my coffee and watch the sun set.
Tom tries again.
“The consultants.” He says.
“I’ll let you know as soon as I do,” I say. “I’m headed up there now.”
“I hear it’s even better from the eighty-seventh floor.” Tom relaxes.
“Regardless, I’m just proud of what we built.” I beam and mean it.
“Ah, the board would be lucky to have you.” Tom rests his dry right hand on my left shoulder.
“Building anything here is a damned miracle, kid,” Tom says.
My shoulders ripple up into my neck. A cold disgust runs down my spine.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of all the little people,” I laugh.
My phone interrupts.
“Well, that's me, old man,” I say.
Tom starts to smile. “Better get used to it.” He glances down at my hand.
His front right tooth is stained yellow.
I ride up to the hundredth floor. The building is swaying. As the doors open, an old feeling rises up. I see my boss standing in the corner. His head is resting on the glass. He’s staring straight down. I think of red maple leaves and my father as I join him.
With my head on the window, he begins to talk.
“Great plan, sport.” He says. “How’d they take it?”
“That’s what we pay consultants for,” I say.
I feel my stomach drop. He laughs.
“Have you seen the projections?” He asks.
“They all go up,” I say.
There’s a long moment of silence as we both stare 1500 feet down. From this vantage, you only see crowds. It’s too hard to make out a single person. I wonder if Tom is down there already.
“How’s your daughter, by the way?” I ask.
“Oh, fine, when’s the honeymoon?”
About the Author
a-Josey is a trans witch living in Brooklyn. She enjoys tea parties, walks, and dogs.Lila’s recent work appears in Boudin, 6/26, and she has upcoming work in The Words Faire. Lila-Josey is a trans woman living in Brooklyn with her dog Estelle. She enjoys tea parties, getting into trouble for the right reason, and aimless walks.
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