‘Hey Bill, did you see the paper this morning?’ asked Joe Miller.
‘No, I didn’t get a chance. I had to take the kids to school. I didn’t even get breakfast. Do you know if anyone brought doughnuts in this morning?’ replied Bill Kelby.
‘You’re in luck. The third floor had extra from their meeting and left the rest here.’
‘Bless their hearts.’ Kelby went over and got his favorite jelly-filled doughnut with a cup of coffee. ‘So, what did you want to tell me that you saw in the paper?’
‘Willow Brook Mortuary and Cemetery is in trouble again.’
‘I’m not surprised. I wouldn’t bury my dog there. So how many reprimands does that make?’
‘I’ve lost count.’
‘What did they do this time?’
‘They put the right body in the wrong casket.’
‘Huh? Was he dressed with the right clothes? Remember last time they had the wrong body dressed in the right clothes inside the right casket.’*
‘How can you keep track?’
‘Because I find it appalling, they are still allowed to operate.’
‘Before that, they put the right headstone on the wrong grave (the mother’s) and the family was visiting an empty grave for four years until they interned the father and the cemetery realized the error and moved the mother’s headstone to right place.’*
‘Wasn’t this cemetery the one that had a break in and the person who broke in had sex with a dead body.’*
‘Yeah, that’s them so I don’t know why the state doesn’t close them down.’
‘I can think a few reasons. Money, influence, and where else would people be interned. The cemeteries in Los Angeles are almost all owned by large corporations and they are all the same, offering the same services at the same prices. People tend to go where their families are interned.’
‘It seems Willow Brook has more problems than the others. The State Cemetery Commission needs to take control.’
‘I worry someone is going to snap because of one mistake too many and someone in Willow Brook’s upper management is going to get his comeuppance. That would be one case we would have trouble solving.’
‘I think it hasn’t happened until now because the people the people who are having the problems with the cemetery have been paid off in some way. People talk a big show and I believe the reason the cemetery and mortuary have gotten off the hook was because the owners offered the family of the deceased a discount or free funeral. Remember these people are grieving. So, by offering them a discount or free services, it solves the problem until the next problem occurs.’
‘I still think they will make a mistake once too many and someone will go off the deep end.’
‘We’ll see.’
##
‘What the hell is going on here? We paid for the deluxe funeral and you put my father-in-law in this…this cardboard casket? Are you mad? It doesn’t even look like a casket. What are you people trying to pull? I should call the State Cemetery Commission and make a complaint,’ said Mr. Fitzgerald all the while his wife is sobbing next to him.
‘I am terribly sorry,’ replied Mr. Mater, the head mortician and owner of Willow Brook. ‘We will make it up to you. I’m not trying to make excuses but we have been extremely busy but that doesn’t justify what happen. We will change everything and it will be perfect before the viewing this evening and give you a credit on what you paid.’
‘What other mistakes have you made, huh? I don’t want to come later and find something else has gone wrong. He will be dressed in the clothes we brought, made up, and embalmed.
‘I assure you we will give your funeral top-notch consideration.’
‘You better or tomorrow, I will be calling the State Cemetery Commission.’
Mr. and Mrs. Fitzgerald left. They were due back at 7 p.m. for the viewing. Tomorrow was the memorial service followed by the burial in one of the most expensive parts of Willow Brook. It wasn’t an easy sale despite the fact that the Fitzgeralds had more money than they knew what to do with. Selling these plots, an entire family section and not just one plot, worked out to be a good sale, a very good sale. Mr. Mater knew Mr. Fitzgerald would make good on his promise to call the state. He was such a prominent man in the state, he probably had friends in Sacramento (California’s state capital). Mater didn’t need the additional aggravation of them breathing down his neck. He just got out from under that last investigation.
Mater walked over to the microphone and said, ‘Alright everyone, take a break and assemble in the memorial room.’
The staff filed in one by one. Mater was trying to figure out who was responsible for the practical joke on switching the caskets.
‘Okay, who was the wise guy who put Mr. Fitzgerald’s father-in-law in the cardboard box that we use for cremations… Huh?’ No one said a word. ‘Nobody will leave this room until I have an answer,’ said Mr. Mater.
‘We did,’ said James and George from the back.
‘I might have known. What are you two jokers trying to do? Put me out of business. We are trying to be number one in independent funeral homes. There have been too many mistakes lately. The way we can be number one is to give personalized service. Our customers are number one and they tell their friends. Word of mouth. Get it! We must be on our toes at all times. We have had too many screw-ups recently. We can’t let that happen.’
‘Weren’t you the one who tried to squeeze more graves into established areas where people were buried? Huh? You got caught throwing people’s remains into the undeveloped portion of the park and had a class action suit against you in which you were forced to settle out of court for millions.’** said James.
‘I never admitted guilt,’ said Mater.
‘You didn’t have to but all of us here know you were as guilty as sin,’ replied George.
‘As long as it wasn’t proven in court…’ said Mater.
‘You’re such a hypocrite. All we did was a harmless prank but you did the ultimate desecration,’ said James as he raised his voice in frustration.
Ignoring the remark, Mater said, ‘If anyone does anything out of line again, I mean anything… they will be fired. Get that. FIRED. One the other hand, if someone does something exemplary, that person will be considered for promotion as I am in the process of buying another mortuary and will be hiring help so the sword cuts both ways.’
‘Shit…it was just a practical joke,’ said James. ‘We didn’t mean anything by it.’
‘Harmless? These are people who are grieving the loss of a loved one. You can’t play around with that. One more mistake and you’re out. Got it?’ said Mater. ‘What about switching headstones and letting the family go to the wrong grave for four years inoffensive? Had the father not died, the family would have continued going to the wrong grave.’
‘Well, you’d think they would have known where they buried their loved one,’ said George.
‘In this park? It’s huge. Even the gardeners have to read the signs and the front desk must use maps…I’m warning everyone. No more screw ups.’
##
The Fitzgerald funeral went off without a hitch. Everything was perfect. Mr. Fitzgerald acted pleased.
##
Two days later, there was an ad in the paper on page 2 in big letters. Anyone that has had problems with Willow Brook Cemetery meet Friday night at Community Room of the Hilton Hotel on Riverside Drive in Glendale, California. 7 p.m. Refreshments will be served.
It wasn’t signed. It could have been anyone. The hotel didn’t know who set it up. The bill was paid in cash and the hotel was given a false name.
Miller and Kelby saw the ad but there was nothing they could do about it, except wait.
‘Maybe we could get in and see what’s going on,’ said Kelby.
‘You saw the paper. People who had problems,’ replied Miller.
‘How would they know?’
‘The person who put this show on must have a list.’
‘Then all we can do is wait and see.’
**This one happened in the early 2000s as my mother was part of the class action lawsuit against the cemetery where my father is interned and she received a settlement.
##
The place overflowed with people. The mystery person who set this up was surprised at the turnout. He stood behind closed curtains; his face was covered by a mask to hide his identity just in case.
Over the microphone, he said, ‘Please everyone, take your seats.’ A sound man was there to distort the man’s voice from possible recognition.
‘I invited everyone here to tell of your experience with Willow Brook Cemetery. I think we might have a class action suit,’ said the voice.
What the people didn’t know was his lawyer was present to witness the event.
‘I’d like to hear your stories,’ the man said.
One by one people came to the microphone. Some were minor, some were horrific like things that sounded actionable for a lawsuit. After two hours, the man thanked those in attendance and asked them to leave their names and numbers and someone would be in touch.
‘What do you think?’ the man said to his lawyer.
‘I think you have enough wrongdoings to go to the State Commission that oversees cemeteries,’ said the lawyer.
‘The State? I don’t want to go to the State. I want to sue the bastard,’ replied the man.
‘Not with these stories. Inconveniences, yes, giving back some money, and saying they were sorry, yes, and then moving forward. But suing? Not enough for a case. It’s best you forget about it.’
‘I’m not going to forget…’
‘What do you plan to do?’
‘Better you don’t know.’
‘Arnold, I’ve known you a long time. Don’t do something rash.’
‘I paid a lot of money for everything…tonight’s meeting, the mortuary, the funeral, that place made a monkey of me. I’m done here. Forget I said anything.’
‘Arnold…as your attorney, I’m advising you against doing anything rash.’
‘Harry, as my attorney and my friend, just forget what you heard tonight.’
The man went over to the kid who taped the meeting. He asked for the tapes.
‘You want a copy too, Mister. Only ten dollars more,’ replied the kid trying to make a sale.
‘No, just the original. I want you to forget everything you heard.’
‘Mister, I didn’t hear anything. I was listening to music during your meeting. Once I set it up things, I am a person who knows nothing, sees nothing, and hears nothing. It’s better that way,’ replied the kid.
‘Excellent!’ said the man as he handed the kid $200.
‘Hey Mister. The agreement was for $100. You gave me $200.’ The kid looked confused.
‘A tip is to forget this evening ever happened,’ he replied.
‘What evening?’ said the kid.
The man went to a payphone and called several people on the list. He realized his attorney was right. People only wanted to vent, not fix the situation. He decided to take the situation into his own hands.
I should have done this from the beginning. The money meant nothing to me. No one knows who set this up but I hate wasting time and energy on idiots. But…maybe… it wasn’t a waste of time. Maybe it throws the suspicion on multiple people. There was a full house here. Many people were pissed off at what that cemetery had done to them and their loved ones. And people left their info only with me. The hotel doesn’t have it…no one, not even my lawyer knows. And when I called these losers, I didn’t give my name so everything was anonymous. It is time I go to work after that bastard, Mr. Mater.
##
Mr. Fitzgerald was in his workshop. He had an MBA making most of his money in the stock and bond market and inheriting a part of it from his parents when they passed away. He was an expert shot, a blackbelt in Karate and a low handicapped golfer. Another thing he had was a genius IQ and was an avid reader. It was this brilliance and being a reader that had him tackle things that the average person wouldn’t understand. A basic knowledge of chemistry and reading up on contact poisons was how Mr. Fitzgerald planned to kill Mr. Mater and bury him in an open grave at the cemetery. Little did Mr. Mater know was Mr. Fitzgerald was planning his demise.
It would be a glorious and just revenge. I must be careful how I handle the poison. It is the same one that killed Socrates: Hemlock or Conium maculate. I know where I can get some but it kills if it touches the skin, and by ingestion…I have to wear gloves and skin protection at all times when handling it but it will be worth it to get rid of that scum…Mr. Mater: A person that no one will miss once he’s dead.
##
Mr. Fitzgerald got the ground Hemlock from someone he found selling on the black market. It wasn’t easy finding the person who sold it but when one has money, one can buy anything. He put it a triple Ziplock bag. The plant was so dangerous, it is destroyed once it grows. But there are other people who must want it for killing animals such as rats or… maybe people too…
##
Mr. Fitzgerald put the baggie in a small box and stored it in the glove compartment of his car. He drove to a payphone and asked to meet Mr. Mater. He made up some excuse to see him alone and then headed out. It was late; the mortuary was closed but Mater agreed to stay to meet Fitzgerald.
‘So, what can I do for you?’ asked Mr. Mater.
‘I thought we ended things on a poor note,’ said Mr. Fitzgerald.
‘Actually, I thought you were happy with our services, after the initial problem was solved.’
‘I was but I was upset earlier and wanted to apologize.’ Mr. Fitzgerald pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels and put it on the table.
‘Well, this is a nice surprise. Let me get some shot glasses to pour this into.’
Mr. Fitzgerald said that he’d like a little bigger glass for a double shot. While Mr. Mater walked to the other side of the room, his back was turned to Fitzgerald at which time Fitzgerald strolled across the room to the bookcase to admire Mater’s collection of books. Mater brought the glasses over. As Fitzgerald began to pour the amber liquid into the first glass, he mentioned that one of the glasses wasn’t clean.
‘I am so sorry. Let me get that.’ Mater went back across the room to the bar to get a towel to clean the inside of the glass which gave Fitzgerald enough time to pour the white powder into Mater’s glass and pour the amber liquid over it. Enough poison to kill five men. How wonderful! I haven’t been this excited since mummy and dad took me on my first cruise when I was twelve. Now, do I dispose of the body in the oven or do I stick with the plan and put it in the open grave I saw when I entered the cemetery?
I think the open grave will be easier even though I had read up on how to use a crematorium. What a surprise the people will receive tomorrow at their funeral! The owner of Willow Brook will be laying in a freshly dug grave. Somehow the thought of that is so terrific I can’t stand it. I only wish I could be there to see it.
Mater drank his drink and the two made small talk for a few moments until he felt the effects of the poison. Then he keeled over dead. Fitzgerald put on gloves and washed both glasses out drying them with the same bar towel that Mater used earlier. He put everything back perfectly and then left. Fitzgerald pulled his car to the entrance where the hearses pulled up. He put Mater’s body in the trunk and drove off. The new grave was covered by bushes in an older part of the cemetery. Fitzgerald dropped the body in and shoveled a few mounds of dirt to cover Mater up so by looking into the grave, you couldn’t see anything. He left and on the way home, he stopped at a gas station to use the restroom and made sure he looked okay. Fitzgerald looked perfect. No dirt, no nothing. Now he needed to wait.
End of Part 1
